Do you know how it feels when everything seems to fall apart from underneath your feet? You know that you are privileged with good health, a roof over your head and food on the table. But what if you had to give up an apartment because of trying to save your health, and finding a new one isn't really as easy as you'd hoped. And then you find out that you probably won't have a job next year. Your family has always been a bit unstable and you don't really feel that you can count on them for support a hundered procent. Your new boyfriend is wonderful but you tried this before and you never know if you have 'em tomorrow, now do you?

I am usually very happy, a person believing in the the saying: "Everything is gonna be all right". But now, these past couple of weeks, especially since I discovered I couldn't feel safe in my own home, I've cracked. I've been feeling so low I've even been thinking about taking my own life. Now, don't worry, I'm way to chicken and way to concerned over how my brothers kids would deal with it to do it.  But just thinking about it doesn't make me feel better. Everything pretty much feels as low as can be. But if I loose my job and my boyfriend, that would probably be the last bang in the head. So let's hope that won't happen, not until I found a new home at least.

You know what they say about life. There are four different parts of life that should be on track to make you feel the most happy. That is your home, your job, your family and your lover.

Right now two parts of those are very unstable, one has and probably always will be a bit unsteady and the last part is good for the moment, but I'm not naive anymore, shit do happen.

Anyways, just needed to jot down some thoughts of mine, it helpes. I'm trying to be a believer. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger I guess..